Outrealm Misadventures
by Aust Kyzor
Summary: Or: Why My Wife Is the Only Reason Why I Don't Turn Into A Giant Rage Monster Whenever I See Red Hair. Rating is for language, and issubject to change, but is T until further notice. Aust (My Unit)
1. Premonition

**DISCLAIMER: **With the exception of Aust the Restorer, all main characters described within this story, as well as any location and items found within the game Fire Emblem: Awakening are the creation and property of Intelligent Systems Co Ltd, a subsidiary of Nintendo Co Ltd. This work of fiction is legal under the parody and fair use clause of copyright law. All other characters, locations, and items are the creation of the author.

This work of fiction is not copyrighted, though stealing this work and passing it off on your own is not only a dick move, it reflects very badly on your worth as a human. Keep that in mind.

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><p>Premonition: A Future of Fear<p>

The red-haired tactician sat, staring at the screen. He was puzzled, and Naga herself couldn't fault him for that. A glow came from the screen, and if Aust didn't know better, he would have called the light almost… natural.

But Aust knew better. VAIKE would know better. Aust was pretty sure the rock Nowi just threw in his general direction would know better. Aust turned to face the young… er… old manakete.

"Nowi? Please refrain from throwing rocks near Anna's evil contraptions of doom."

"Sorry, Robin," the girl sheepishly laughed, "I was kinda bored, and that thing is freaky, and-"

"Yes, yes," Aust cut her off, knowing that she could go on for an hour coming up with adjectives for the aforementioned evil contraption, "just be careful, alright?" The girl nodded in response and went back to her playing, while Aust returned his attentions to the… thing.

Anna called it a "computer" but Aust didn't like that word for it. A computer was an intelligent, specially trained human (well, Beorc, though Aust was sure a Goldoan dragon from the Radiant Legends could easily accomplish such a feat) who could quickly calculate complicated mathematic equations. MIRIEL was a computer, this THING was a glowy box of doom, and Aust hated it.

He prodded at the small hand-held device attached to the doom-box (Anna called it a "mouse", and Aust worried for her health) and was surprised when the small arrow (a "pointer" - at least THAT name made sense) moved on the screen.

"Oh ho," he exclaimed, and caught the attention of Miriel, Laurent, and Vaike, who were helping with the situation (well, Miriel was - Vaike was… "emotional support").

"What is it?" Laurent asked, glancing at the device over his glasses.

"I can make the arrow thing move around," Aust replied, "and I bet that if I press this button…" Aust did so, and it made a click sound, "Yes, I've figured out the first part of Doom-box Anna's riddle! Get the note out."

Vaike took out a small piece of parchment from his pocket, and read it out, "Okay, uh… 'Saving the Future Realms is easy! Simply use the mouse to click the smiley face, and then type in the password (which is 'gold') on the keyboard.' Whatever that means."

"Okay, so... " Aust moved the pointer with the… clicker (knowing what it now does, he elected to refuse calling it a mouse any longer) until it was over the smiley face, and clicked. When nothing happened, he clicked again, and then suddenly a square appeared on the screen. Inside that square there was a small, white rectangle, and the words 'ENTER PASSWORD' were displayed above it.

"Well… At least that's straight forward. Now then…" Aust looked down at the… "keyboard" and saw that there were letters upon each button ('I guess that's a key,' he figured), so he looked and hit the correct buttons to spell the word gold, but when he looked at the screen, instead of the word gold, he saw only four dots.

"Damn it!" He shouted, banging his hands against the table the box of doom sat on, "I should have realized it wouldn't be so simple!" He threw his hands into the air and walked away.

Miriel looked at the screen, "Hmm… Aust, I believe you may be over-analyzing the situation presented here." Aust immediately turned around and faced the studious mage. Miriel suffered from a condition the Shepherds called "Overthinking", a joke Miriel knew, and actually found humourous in her own… unique way. Miriel was proud of her tendency to over-analyze things, so if _Miriel_ was saying that you were over-thinking something, you were definitely over-thinking. It would be like Khan Basillo saying you swore too much, or Tharja telling you that you have an unhealthy obsession. Miriel had figured something out, and in Naga's name, Aust was going to heed her advice.

Miriel noted that she had the tactician's full and undivided attention, so she pointed to the screen. "We can safely conclude that these four dots correspond to the letters you typed. I suspect that the reason they appear as dots, rather than the characters they are supposed to be is simply because of what the four letters mean in this context."

Aust thought about it for a second, and then figured out what she was implying, "Oh! Of course! It's a password, so naturally it should be kept secret!" Aust walked back the the box of doom (now hereby dubbed "The SMART Box of Doom") and pressed the large button on the button-board with the word "enter" printed on it. The moment he did so, their surroundings immediately vanished, and they were once again surrounded by the familiar blue void that represented the Outrealms.

Chrom was holding Falchion as if he was just mid-swing. Noticing that there no longer was a Risen to cut in half, he stopped his blade, and turned to face Aust. "So… I gather by the sudden lack of… world, you solved the riddle?"

"Yep," was all Aust said in response, and he walked over to Cordelia, grabbed his wife's hand, and began walking to the Familiar Portal.

"Aust? Where are you going?"

"Bath Realm," he said while he kept walking

"NOW?"

"Yep," he replied. Chrom's words had no effect on him.

"But we still have to find our way home! We need our tactician!"

"Morgan can do it just as well as I can." He neared the portal, while Cordelia looked back and glared at Chrom, who, as always, didn't notice.

"You don't have leave…"

"Don't care."

"Damn it, Aust! Get back here!" Chrom shouted at him, and soon came to regret that action, because Aust did stop and turn. He also had a powerful looking tome in his hand, and he was already halfway through the incantation. Only Cordelia's hand on his shoulder stopped him from murdering the Exalt in rage.

Chrom, now finally getting the hint that Aust _will_ be leaving them for awhile, sighed in resignation. "Don't you at least want to yell at Anna?"

"Chrom, right now I am so angry that I almost murdered you. If I see even a _glimpse_ of that woman, I will fly into a rage so angry that there won't be enough of them left to make even one for the funeral. Words cannot describe how freaked out I am. So I, and the only person in existence who can keep me mellow are going to go the the Bath Realm, and we are going to stay there until I am in a better mood, and judging by her giggles, even if I let any of you follow us, you definitely do not want to. Not even Tharja." And with that, Aust turned back to the portal.

"How long will you be gone?"

"Long enough."

"At least give me an estimate?"

"I promise not to return with a baby or a pregnant wife."

"Aust…"

"Bye," and before Chrom could say anything else, the two had left. Chrom sighed and walked towards the Portal of Happenings. He knew better than to go after Aust, so he went to look for Morgan. He sighed again, but was thankful that it wasn't a worse parting than last time. After the Googly-eyes Realm, Aust didn't even tell anyone he was leaving, and at least this time he left his kids.

Chrom could only hope the next realm would get them home. With every realm they were forced to venture through, Aust lost a little more of his already-thin patience.

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note:<em>** Hello there. If you were patient enough to make it down here, thanks, and welcome to a multi-chapter story I've had brewing for awhile.

I've been itching to use Aust in a fic, and the muse finally gave me something, and it's something that I'm actually happy with to boot. Bonus for everyone, I assure.

Anyway - you'll notice that I've started somewhere in the middle of the story. Well, like in Awakening, that's the idea. I wanted to test the waters, both for my own creative flow, and also to see if anyone bites. I plan to write the prologue next, and outline just how they even got into this mess in the first place, and then write Chapter 1. From there, however, I could go anywhere, and I'm open to suggestions - might even make a poll if there's enough interest.

Anyway, I can only write as fast as Mr Clever lets me, but I plan to force him to at least give me a chapter every two weeks. While I'm not exactly new at this, it's been a decade since my last fic that wasn't drabble nor crackfic - and even then, it was Sonic fanfiction, so I'm not even sure it counts ("he put his thing into her sex" -shudders-)

So yeah, reviews and feedback are appreciated. Useful criticism will be considered. Assholes will be fed to trolls. Trolls will be turned into bubblegum.

Aust AWAAAAAAAAAY!


	2. Prologue

_Disclaimer can be found at the beginning of this story. Needless to say, I own nothing that has been copyrighted. Duh._

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><p>Prologue: The Demon with Red Hair<p>

Aust was tired, and he wanted to go back to the void of nothingness. He _missed_ the void. The void was quiet, peaceful, and suppressed all of his emotions. Loathe as he was to admit it, an emotionally dead Aust was a stable Aust.

Aust was no longer in a state of what he called bliss (though others would call it 'death'); he was now standing in a different sort of void, one that was both familiar and foreign to him.

'The Outrealm?' He thought to himself, 'How did I end up here?' He stood to think on it for but a moment before deciding that _how_ he got there wasn't important. What mattered was that he was there, which meant he could get out of there, and thus go home. He could return to what he left behind to secure their future. He could see the three most important women in his life once more, their brilliant, red hair shimmering in the light.

Unfortunately for Aust, before he could return to Cordelia's hair, he was stopped by the one red-head he hoped to never see again.

"Not so fast, Stratego-boy!" Anna called to him, her hand pulling him back by his hood. "I didn't break the rules in order to even _get _you here just to watch you wander off. Especially since that isn't _your_ Ylisse out there."

Aust quickly turned to face the merchant, and before she could blink, a sword was in his hand, and his trusty Thoron tome was floating above the other, ready for action.

"You have about thirty seconds to explain why I shouldn't go through that portal, and if I don't like what I hear you're going to witness the invention of Anna soup, so get…"

'Wait a second…' he suddenly thought. His concentration broken, the Thoron tome fell into his hand, and his sword lowered.

"What do you _mean_ that isn't my Ylisse?" he asked, now less angry and more confused.

"Well…" she started, "you know how whenever you battled against the Einherjar, you always had to do it thrice?"

"Yessss…?"

"Same principle, much like there are alternate versions of the same battle, there's alternate versions of the world you came from."

"So, if I went through that portal, things would have occurred differently?"

"Not only that, you don't exist in that Ylisse."

"What? That doesn't make sense! How could I _not exist? _The fact that I'm also **GRIMA **should secure my place in existence!"

"Wow… arrogant much?" Anna rebuked, "Just because the Avatar of Grima isn't _you_, it doesn't mean there isn't one." Anna peered into the portal, "…Hrm… From the looks of things, in this particular world your counterpart is a woman named Skye, who became Ylisse's queen in the end."

"Huh… Okay, yeah, I'm glad you stopped me now," Aust admitted with genuine thankfulness, "knowing me, I would have walked right into the throne room, called out Chrom with one of our usual insults, and then get run through by Cordelia or Frederick… er… they're both still alive there, right?"

Anna looked back into the portal, "Yes, it looks like they all survived. Skye is a lot like you in that she didn't allow a single casualty. That's surprisingly common, actually."

"So… is she happy?"

"Is who happy?"

"Cordelia," Aust clarified, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.

"Well…" Anna hesitated, "she married Gaius…"

"But is she happy?"

"She's the captain of the guard, and he never went straight. He's one of the most prolific thieves in Ylisse…"

"But is she happy?"

"She risks her job, and even her life every day."

Aust was getting irritated, "Answer the fucking question! IS. SHE. HAPPY?"

Anna sighed, "Ultimately… yes. She's very happy."

Aust smiled, "Good. That means I can drop this and go where I need to."

Anna was flabbergasted, "What? Really? Just like that, you're on board?"

"Well, it's not like I have much of a choice anyway." Aust replied, "so point me where you need me."

"Well… There's a problem with that…"

Something in Aust's brain snapped. "What. Problem?"

"Well… I have no idea where you need to go."

"Then. Why. Am. I. Here?"

"You'd rather be in the void forever?"

"Right now that looks like a better option!" Aust was beyond angry now, "I mean, yeah, life in nothingness sucked, but at least it was peaceful! What was _so important_ that you had to break some kind of rule to rescue me from one hell and place me in another?" Aust took in a deep breath, "and how was that even a rescue to begin with? That's like rescuing somebody from a scorpion by giving them a viper! And why ME of all people? Couldn't you have just grabbed any tactician? It's not like I-" Aust was cut off mid-sentence by a hand appearing from behind him and covering his mouth. He reached up and grabbed the hand to pry it off before he realized that this hand was familiar. He _knew _this hand.

He looked upwards, hoping against hope that he wouldn't see the person he knew was holding him. Crimson hair crossed his vision, and his hope died. He felt the hand on his mouth, feeling the ring finger. It was the ring he gave her. Aust the Restorer was currently being held (and silenced) by his wife.

Aust glared back at Anna, who just awkwardly rubbed the back of her head. "Eh… heheh… yeah… I kinda needed you because I already had the rest of them…"

Aust looked around, and saw that, indeed, the rest of the Shepards were there. Chrom seemed to still have the look of shock from when Aust struck the final blow… in fact… it looked like all of them were just as surprised to see him as he was to seem them.

"I… uh… 'Acquired' them just after they got off of Grima's corpse… So they don't have to deal with your sudden demise now! It's a bonus I'm giving you free of charge!" Anna laughed nervously, and when Aust's glare didn't subside, she started backing away.

"W-Well! I'm sure you guys all have a lot to discuss! I'll just… back away… I'm sure _your_ Anna can explain things, so I'll just go on ahead…" She turned and started running, "WHENYOU'REREADYJUSTGOTHROUGHTHISBLACKPORTALOHLOOKATTHETIMEIHAVETOCLOSEUPGOTTAGOBYESEEYOUNEVER!" and she fled through the aforementioned portal, leaving the Shepherds confused, and Aust stunned.

Tiki turned to face "their Anna", "Well?" she started, "Your sister said you can explain things, so start explaining."

Anna… Prime, who looked just as stunned as the rest of them turned to face her friend, "Why are you asking _me?_ Just because we're all related it doesn't mean we all know what we're thinking. We aren't a hive mind, you know!"

Tiki sighed, "Okay, look, I'm sorry, but right now you're the only source of information we have, and judging from the fact that Cordelia is _still_ forcing Aust to keep still, I don't think you have much of a choice but to spill it. Why are we here? What rules were broken? How did we end up here? Talk or I eat you, and Priam won't be able to stop me. I'll just eat him too." She glared at Anna's husband, who wisely stopped his approach and remained still. He knew from the tales of his ancestor that dragons do not exaggerate.

Anna sighed and looked at the rest of the company, who were all now facing her. Even Aust had calmed down, though his wife had yet to release him.

"Alright," Anna began, "first, I have to tell you that I genuinely have no idea what is happening in the Outrealms. I would wager my entire nest egg on that. I chose to live in your world, and the consequence of leaving the Outrealm gate is that you also leave the information network." She sat down on a nearby box, her expression caught between nostalgic and devastated. "So what information I have is basic… but it should at least help us start to piece it all together.

"Now, she lied about breaking the rules… kinda. There's no rule to break, but what she did is normally not possible unless something dire happened, and even then, the group she summons is based on chance. We were just unlucky. Anyway, the dire situation could be anything, but the consequence is the same: The Outrealm has been attacked, and as a result, the realms have been torn into chaos."

Aust, now calm and released, spoke up, "So that's where we come in? Stop some monster?"

Anna looked at him, almost indignant, "Unlikely. We were probably brought in to clean up the mess while the network keeps it from spreading."

Chrom looked at the black portal, "So… we just have to go through there, fix the problem, and go home?"

Aust shook his head, "That would be too easy. There's probably hundreds of realms that need to be saved."

Chrom sighed, "Well, what are we waiting for? We aren't going home until this is done, and we're wasting time. Come on, lazybutt. You're the tactician, so… tactic!"

Aust gave a faint smile and a mock salute, "Yes sir, Captain Dastard!" he turned on his heel and walked towards the portal, but Chrom stopped him with a light hold on his shoulder.

"And Aust?"

"Yea-OW!" Aust rubbed the back of his head where Chrom had slapped him.

"NEVER get yourself killed like that again."

"Yeah, yeah. It worked though, didn't it? Grima isn't going to rise again."

Chrom nodded gently, "True… but you defied a direct order to _not die_ in order to do it. You had ONE JOB, Aust; to NOT. DIE._**AND YOU SCREWED THAT UP.**_"

"Yeah, well… Sorry." Aust replied, though he didn't mean it.

Chrom knew he didn't mean it too, "Not good enough," he smiled sadistically, "and that's why I've ordered everyone else to hit you as they go through the portal."

"Wait, what-OW!" Henry had hit him. "Okay, that's-OW!" Maribelle. "That's-OW! That's going a little-OW! Too far-OW!" Lissa, Olivia, and Donny. "I'm serious-OW! I might-OW! Lose some of my knowledge-OW! If this-OW! Keeps up any-OW! Longer-OW!"

Chrom giggled evilly, "I really don't care. I'm the king, I make the rules. Deal." He turned and walked to the portal, his smile growing wider every time Aust was hit.

"I-OW! Hate you-OW! So god damn much-OW! You dastard! OW! Vaike! He said a _slap_! That was a fist!-OW!"

"The Vaike is _not_ sorry."

The line of pain continued for Aust until it was just Anna and Cordelia left. Anna decided that he'd been through enough and just poked him in the ribs as she went through. Aust and Cordelia, now alone just stared at each other. The silent conversation in their eyes was all that they really needed. The last time they saw each other, Aust was about to die. A wordless hug, a deep kiss, and a longing stare.

Aust placed his hand on Cordelia's abdomen, and looked up at her. She smiled, "Lissa checked when we got here. I'm okay, and I can still fight"

"Do they know?"

"Not yet. It's just you, Lissa and I."

Aust nodded, "Okay. Then simply for your sake, I'll try my hardest to finish this quickly."

"I know you will, Sweets." She picked up her husband, and kissed his forehead, an intimate gesture they shared because Aust secretly loved it. Back on the ground, they held hands, and walked to the portal together. The two were still too battle weary to skip like they usually do, but the spring in their step never died.

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><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE: <strong>THAT... wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I actually had this done for awhile, but had to sit on it until Sky could get online so I can beg... er _ask _her nicely to proofread.

Anyway, here's our prologue, which answers the questions of how Aust was able to (eventually) return to his family, and also how they all got there (with minimal plot holes!). I have a couple of ideas floating around, but as I said last chapter, suggestions for realms _will_ be taken into consideration. If, for some reason, you want to see the Shepherds facing off against Bowser's army, I could probably swing that.

So yeah, special thanks to the beautiful Skywolf666 for being a wizard with the English language, despite her spell-checker's desperate attempts to make her seem like she's drunk.

Special thanks also go to Gunlord500 for being the first reviewer.

Thanks would go to those who are following the story - but I've forgotten your names, and have no idea how to re-discover them. Sorry :/

That's all from me for now. Aust AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY!


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